The Japanese Are Amazing.

This Japanese Game Show is called, you guessed it, "Stacking Food On Animals." I totally think America should rip it off and make a bastardized U.S. version that is nowhere as good, thus ruining the concept.  We've never done that before, right?

Japanese Game Show: Stacking Food On Animals - Watch more Free Videos

Peace, Joy, and the Grinch

In the spirit of the Holiday season, and over the course of a few days, I decided to compile a list of people I really don't like/respect (Grinch) and people I do like/respect (Christ)

The Grinch List:
1) Street Cops
2) School Administrators
3) People who say "Believe you me"
4) Fire Inspectors
5) Western Doctors
6) Police Administrators
7) Sales People
8) "Customer Service" representatives, stationed in India
9) Retail Managers
10) Any other position that typically requires a Mustache

The Christ List:
1) Detectives/Investigators
2) Educators
3) Volunteer Firefighters
4) Factory Workers
5) Vetenerians
6) Chiropractors
7) Entertainers
8) Italian Business Owners
9) Arists
10) Accountants

Think about it! Merry Christmas!

Jon Stewart rocks!

Nobody seems to post here anymore, so I'll throw ya a bone, Liuzzi. I had this sent to me, and Jon Stewart makes such a great argument. I just love this video, and I thought you'd appreciate it.

Why The Hell is Drew Carrey Not More Excited About This?!

Real Life Mario Kart! ...Who Chooses Mario, though, really?

Crazy Local TV Commercial.

*Fart* JAILED.

Via a Florida Paper:

"STUART — A student at Spectrum Junior-Senior High School was arrested earlier this month after he passed gas and turned off his classmate’s computers, according to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff’s Office.

According to the report, the incident occurred Nov. 4, when the 13-year-old boy “continually disrupted his classroom environment” by purposely breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother."

FATALITY!

Hope you connection isn't too slow, because this is a bad-ass gif.

SNL Friday.

Yet another absurd SNL Digital Short.

I think my favorite part is "Act Casual," hahah...

Also, a short story by me.

A drawback of working at a large corporation is that I often get phone calls not meant for me.  It usually goes like this:

"Hello, this is Dan."

"... Bob?"

"No, what extension are you trying to reach?"

"19358"

"Ok, this is 1935."

How does that even work?  I don't know.  AG are morons.

So I don't check my voicemail often. I checked today for the first time since Monday, and had 7 new messages (that's unusual, we use mostly email).  Tuesday, I got one from a "Bill Hueg."  Summing it up, it went something like this:

"Hey Jim, this is Bill.  I just wanted to let you know we have a Continental Tour coming around today at 10, so if you can be ready by then, everything should go smoothly."

Then on Thursday, I got one going,

"Hey Jim, Bill again.  Remember that Continental group we were gonna be presenting to?  Well, they're showing up today instead at 2, so if you could make sure to do your thing and have the presentation ready to go, that'd be great, thanks, I'll see you soon."

Well.  I hope I didn't just lose someone money or a commission of some kind.  

My Investments dropped about %8 in the past Month

I've been looking at buying a house recently. A main part of my down payment is to come from investments. When I received my most recent statement, I saw that my investments dropped about 8% in one month. Damn Elections.

In related news the stock market dropped 400 points the day after elections citing "Investors Weary of an Obama Presidency.". The following day, it dropped about 390 points, and it dropped 410 points today.

To that end...I say....

Haha, Oh Jesus, You So Funny!

I almost wanted to wait on posting this to give Jason's entry some time to breathe, people to read it, and debate and respond. I was just so glad Jason wrote something, I wanted it to be at the top of this page for a while! But I gotta post some of these Jesus images because they made me laugh so hard. But please, everyone, scroll down and read and give your thoughts to Jason's post!

Here is just a taste of images from "40 Awesome Versions Of Jesus." Some are dumb, some are weird, some are just gross.  But some are HILARIOUS.  Like these:

Politics (A Really Serious Post From Someone Who Hates Politics).

Ok... I am not political at all. I have never voted and didn't really care who won the last election because after reading both McCain and Obama's economic plan I came to the conclusion that no matter which person won I was pretty much screwed as far as taxes go. I understand completely why everyone is so excited about Obama and 'change'. I really do; the country is in bad shape and people are scared. I am even pretty sure I am a Democrat (I am pro-choice, against war, think gays should marry, believe in equal rights... thats all democratic right??). However, there is something that Democrats believe in and that Obama believes in that I am completely and totally against.

If McCain won, I would be paying out the ass in taxes to pay for military, science, healthcare, etc. While it sucks that I would pay more just b/c I am single, in a higher 'salary' bracket, don't own a home and don't have kids... my tax money would be going for things that are good. My higher taxes with Obama will go towards allowing lazy assholes who can't hold down a job, can't keep there dicks under wraps and can't keep needles out of there arms to live lives equivalent to me. I know the democratic way is 'everyone should get an equal chance' but honestly... fuck that. I work DAMN hard for my money and where I work I see EXACTLY where my tax money goes. It goes to some white piece of trash who can't even take care of herself let alone her 5 kids. That lazy piece of shit gets to eat lobster for dinner three times a week, steak the other night, AND owns a 50 inch plasma tv. Her five kids only own two outfits and shower maybe twice a week but they own EVERY video game system known to man. And the drugs they do... George Jung would be proud!! They are able to do all of this while never holding down a job because hard working people pay for them. All the bullshit about 'the economy holds them down... its not there fault'... all bullshit. If you work hard enough in this country you can make it. Racism, sexism... while they exist they are no longer barriers that hold people back. Lazyness holds people back. And government programs allow lazy people to get by.

Once again, I am not saying Obama is a bad person or that I am pissed he is elected. I am not going to pretend to know enough about politics to make that call. All I am saying is that I am not ok with my money going to people who don't deserve it. Everyone says "tax the rich more, the poor less"... why?? Everyone should pay the same percentage... the rich will always pay more because they make more, but they should pay the same percentage of what they make. People become wealthy because they EARNED they way up through hard work. By saying that people who make 200,000 a year should pay 20% but if you make 30,000 a year you should pay 10% you are punishing someone for being successful. That isn't right. I don't believe that just b/c you happen to have money you should be forced to support everyone else in the county. Some of the things I hear from Obama I agree with... for instance, big corporations shouldn't get tax breaks. I am just fearful that my hard earned money will go to Mr. and Mrs. trailerpark so they can have filet while I have to eat Ramen on Thursday's b/c I don't get paid until Friday.

Bingo!

Political Things: One Serious, One Fun.

First, I was watching Countdown with Keith Olbermann last night, and his Special Comment was directed toward those who voted for Prop 8 in California.  Yes, Olbermann can come off crazy, pompous, and overworked sometimes (Colbert once described him as: "rants like a guy who saves his own urine,") but I still love him.  And his comment here sums up the awfulness that is (well, was) Proposition 8.

Here's something else fun!  An article entitled, "Barack Obama: The 50 Facts You Might Not Know."  Did you know Obama is a Muslim and a Socialist???  ....Haha kidding, no, these are actual facts, not something my dad would forward around.   A few things on the list that make me like the guy even more:

- He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics.
- His favorite meal is wife Michelle's shrimp linguini.  (Delicious!)
- He has read every Harry Potter book.
- He drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, having ditched his gas-guzzling Chrysler 300.
- He hates the youth trend for trousers which sag beneath the backside.  
- He uses an Apple Mac laptop.

You can tell this was written in the UK.  Can't you imagine Buzz Killington saying, "I hate the youths and their trend for wearing their trousers sagging beneath their backside."  Man, everything the British do are awesome.

SNL Friday (Or Saturday. Whatever.)

An oldie, but a goodie (I think).  I know Phil Hartman did more sketches with this character, but I haven't been able to find em...

Yes. Implement This, America.

SNL Friday.

I Just Heard The News: The Phillies Are In The World Series!

Nah, not really.  I found out a week or so ago.  But that headline is very plausable for me, never the less.  

If I post something Phillies related, I try and make it something that wouldn't be reported on ESPN or the newspaper, because as far as I'm aware, that's the only place most of you get your sports news.  But the sister site of a movie blog I go to posts some Phillies news, and here's something I thought you guys might get a chuckle at.

To find out whose jersey she's 'wearing', and for more pics, go here.

Oh, and is this description true so far of the World Series?

I don’t know if it’s fair to call something boring if you don’t even try to watch it, but I’m not really interested in being fair: this World Series is super-dooper boring. I couldn’t be more thrilled that I didn’t watch the Rays’ 4-2 win last night, because I nearly fell asleep reading the recap. A sample:

"Tampa Bay never really got a huge hit, but neither did the Phillies as Jimmy Rollins and crew fell to 1-for-28 with runners in scoring position…

Tampa Bay scored on Jason Bartlett’s safety squeeze and built another rally when Rocco Baldelli walked on a checked swing that seemed to confuse players and umpires alike."

Poor situational hitting! Bunts! Check-swing walks! Hold onto your hats, kids — this wild ride could go seven games!

Game 3 is in Philly on Saturday night, but thankfully, rain is in the forecast. Even God doesn’t want to watch this series.

I'm betting you guys don't feel that way.  I'm sure it's a great Series, Demetriou, I don't mean any offense.  Not gonna lie though, that read made me laugh.

Also, not to continue to rain on everyone's Philly parade, but a writer had called for submissions for people to tell him about their worst/most amusing experiences with the notoriously obnoxious Philly fans.  Here are those stories.  And here's one:

My Philly experience is a pretty simple one. I was at a Phillies game once as a fan and the four guys sitting behind me were booing everything they could get their eyes on.

When someone would buy a Diet Coke: “Booo Diet Coke! Pepsi’s better.”

When someone walked by wearing sandals: “Sandals suck! Next time wear shoes.”

When someone got a hit: “Boo single! We want a friggin’ double.”

But the topping on this cake was when a guy arrived in our section during the second inning wearing a Roberto Clemente throwback jersey. So screamed the four Philly faithful: “Boooo Roberto Clemente. He’s dead.”

-Wayne Drehs, Senior Writer, ESPN.com

That's a tame one.  There are multiple stories that deal with urination on people and the such (all apprently meant to be humorous).

Hahahah, sports fans are so intelligent and understanding. 

SNL Friday, from Mike

From the SNL Valuts, comes one of the funniest skits they've done in recent times. Also, it's from probably the first SNL episode people talked about in literally years, with Justin Timberlake. This episode and specifically this skit made it ok for guys to admit to liking Justin Timberlake.

Also, in the season of the approaching holidays, I thought this hilarious video is a good match.



*Click here for the uncensored version, which is worth watching it again.*

SNL Friday.

Well, I almost forgot. And it's technically Saturday now. But here's another SNL clip I enjoy very much.

Kinda Nerdy Humor.

I've been wasting alot of time on this network of humor sites.  I just wanna post a couple of images from one section of it here.  It's called Graph Jam.  I grabbed a few hopefully you all can enjoy:

Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, please...

sign this woman's sign!


Possible thoughts running through Obama's mind:
1) That's a clever slogan!
2) Wow, this person is artsy.
3) How did they cut this shape out?
4) Will my sharpie write on this type of paint?
5) Does the Secret Service Agent over my right shoulder have a mustache, or is that a weird shadow from his nose?


























Possible thoughts running through your head:
1) "Is she subtley calling Obama a spook?"
2) "Is she really an undercover republican who is going to sell a signed Obama statue of a Klansmen, after painting over her alleged Anti-Palin message and adding a little hood to the specter?"
3) "I'm a strict demorcat, so why was my first thought that this image had racial undertones!"
4) "Wait, IS that a sweet mustache on the secret service agent over Obama's shoulder or a weird nose shadow??"

SNL Friday.

So I have an idea.  Every Friday, I'm going to post a funny SNL video.  (Who wants to bet I will forget about this by next week?)  "But, Dan," you may say, "SNL hasn't been funny for years!"  Well, my friends, they do still do some good skits.  Now, if you see SNL from time to time, you may have already seen some clips that I post.  They're not all new, by any means.  But I will pick only the funniest ones to post!

Now, I present you with... "MacGyve-- I mean, "MacGruber: Father and Son."

TOTALLY RAD!!

Mike, I know you were asking me to read your post next time I checked the blog, and now here I am to just post overtop it.  Sorry about that!

So my friend Meg's birthday was last week, and she had an 80s birthday theme party.  There were probably, like, 40 people dressed in 80s apparel in a small apartment. But it was so much fun.  Glow necklaces, strobe light, 80s music, yellow and pink streamers.  Meg went all out.  I'll try and post the pictures on my Facebook sometime soon, but I'm really bad about updating there.  Here's me and Meg, as a taste, though:

Anyway, that isn't my real reason for posting.  My real reason is because I wanna post another funny video, because that's how I do.  BUT(!) the video is 80s related!  So... awesome segway, huh??  Right??  Guys?

Everybody knows* "Take On Me" as one of the best 80s songs ever.  And most of us have seen the music video, it's a classic.  Family Guy even parodied it.  Well, here it is again; but this time, the lyrics have been changed to represent what's going on in the video.  And it made me cry laughing the first time I saw it.  I hope you enjoy it as much.

*Demetriou excluded.

The Presidential Election 2008

Ever since Daniel J. Liuzzi announced his candidacy for President of the United States, we have all heard the smear attacks, the debates, personal attacks, and spins on the issues and policies on both Daniel and his opponent, Michael T. Liuzzi.

Recently, the Liuzzi-Demetriou campaign released it's most prominent and dominant press release since their campaign began:

- Associated Press (AP)
-Liuzzi-Demetriou 2008 for Presidency

"In these hard economic times, there is one candidate who can relate to the
issues of you, the Middle Class American. Daniel Liuzzi knows what it's
like to struggle with your family budget, pay for high gas prices, and buy
groceries with a sluggish economy. His opponent can not relate. In a
recent business meeting, Michael T. Liuzzi admitted that he doesn't know how
much money he makes.
-I don't know how much I make...what is my salary again?
(Source: Muracco & Liuzzi, PC)

Not only is Michael T. Liuzzi out of touch with the American people on the
economy, he contradicts his very own claim to put the environment his number 1
priority. In a recent audit done by AAA Mid-Atlantic Insurance Company of
New Jersey, it was revealed that Michael Liuzzi has not only one, but two
gasoline powered cars. Not only is Michael Liuzzi a supporter of big oil,
his campaign will surely continue his wasteful spending in Office.

Dan Liuzzi believes in creating more jobs, putting all Hybrids (like the
one he owns) on the road and taking gas guzzling V-8's such as his opponents and
other carbon emitting vehicles such as his opponents other car, off the
road. Daniel also knows that Washington must stop the wasteful spending
that his opponent exercises, and will impose tougher legislation to ensure most
careful spending.

On the issue of taxes, Daniel knows that middle class americans need and
deserve a tax cut. Michael believes that small business (such as the one
he works for and does consulting work for) need the tax cut. Under
Daniel's plan, Americans such as yourself will receive the relieft you need,
while under Michael's plan, Michael and his entrepreneur friends will
benefit.

Michael was quoted as saying "I believe small business are the key to
America's economy." (Rowan University, 2006).
Michael also been linked to charging those same small business astronomical
fees (up to $250/hour) for his consulting services.

Daniel's opponent would also have you believe the Healthcare system isn't
in ruins. Perhaps it's because Michael "doesn't use health
insurance." If he doesn't use Health Insurance, how can he relate to the
American people on their rising costs and lower benefits?

On America's final major issue, Foreign Policy, Michael plans to continue
the war in the Middle East and continue another 4 more years of the same past
8. Daniel will institue an immediate troop withdrawal and reduce the
United States' presence across the globe. After being tied to both Racist
innuendos and anti-gay conservatives, we can't afford to have
a Commander-In-Chief with non-sensical dislike for minority
groups. Daniel understands the key to America's success is through
understanding and tolerance for diversity.

After 8 years of Epic Failure, we can't afford another 4 of Michael
Liuzzi's out of touch, racist Independents in the White House. This
Election Day, vote Daniel Liuzzi & Dan Demetriou; because with them in
Office, America will regain it's place as the "Best Dan Country to Live
In" again."

With Daniel's rising place in the polls and the controversy surrounding Michael's gaming habits, there isn't much speculation to how well this release will help Liuzzi-Demetriou in the election.

Issues and Policies, if a picture speaks a thousand words, from the above depiction, who would you rather have running your country?

1-800-GAMBLER

I was going to start this post just by discussing an exciting trip to Atlantic City, but then realized I also just got back from Las Vegas about 2 weeks ago. Then I realized I went to Atlantic City to gamble just two weeks after gambling (A LOT) in Las Vegas. Then I realized I may have a gambling problem.

Vegas was great. Everything you expect it to be; although I was disappointed in the lack of hookers available on the strip, yet surprised at the number of mexicans handing out the hookers' business cards. Our typical day went like this:
1) Wake up early as shit (Jet lag's a bitch)
2) Gamble at one of three casino's until about 9:30
3) Eat Brunch
4) Sit and Drink by the pool until about 12:30
5) Watch two episodes of Home Improvement
6) Walk the strip, explore casinos
7) Gamble
8) Shower and Relax a minute
9) Eat Dinner (Which likely included Lobster, Filet Mignon, and/or Bacon)
10) Gamble
11) Sleep

So that was pretty outstanding. On the trip I officially became a high roller and was comped about $200 worth of food and discounts on the suite we stayed in for the week.

When we came back, I wanted to go to Atlantic City but was too tired. So Phil and I went the following week with intentions to make a couple bucks on rapid roulette. For those of you who don't know, Rapid Roulette is like roulette but with a touch screen instead of chips; each player has their own station and can place their bets like usual, with a live dealer and pit boss and everything. Since the minimum bets are lower, Phil and I usually pool together our money, play our set of numbers, and split the profits/losses. Last time, we doubled up everytime.

I let Phil take the helm and do the betting, since it's usually the other way around. Instead of just sticking to our carefully selected set of numbers, Phil decides to grow some balls and make others bets on the outside as well. I gotta say, not bad. Only once did he bet and lose. We were breaking even or losing on our numbers and Phil had enough. So we get down to our last 8 bucks and what does the bastard do? Puts it all on Red. It Comes Out. Now we have like $17 bucks. He puts it all on Odd. It Comes Out! Now we have $34 (almost back to even of $40). PUTS IT ALL ON BLACK. Comes out! So now were' up to $68. Phil decides to put his balls back and make inside bets until we get back down to $40 and leave. Pretty tense and happy we came out even.

After eating some delicious Johnny Rockets, we went back to the table where Phil constantly broke even again. I kept walking away to play some slots, thinking I was giving him the Malocchios. Next thing I know, I get a call from Phil telling me he's done. Fed up with only being $9 in the green, Phil decided to randomly throw $49 on a color, and It Came Out. So we Had like $98 when we both put in $20 originally. Not Bad. As we go to cash out, we see three tables, each with about 7-8 consecutive colors. After some meticulous planning Phil chose one he liked and put $50 on the other color.

I walked away.

I found some lady who hit 4 $1280 Jackpots in a half hour and figured all the luck had been diverted to her and assumed Phil had lost the $50 bet he placed.

As I walked back to the table, I saw the ball had not landed yet and Phil had his fist to his mouth in disgust. Red had come out and we lost. But suddenly Phil's disgust turned to a fist pump of victory as the ball popped out of red and into black - we doubled up again, thanks to Phil's Brass Balls.

So I came home from Bally's that day with $80 more than I brought, a succes in deed. It should help wash out the $2,000 loss at Las Vegas.

Happy 50th, Blog! Celebrate With Some Porn. NSFW.*

I have no idea what this is advertising, and I'm too lazy to look it up.  By context clues, I'm guessing a porno company.  Just enjoy it.

By the way, this is the 50th post, so...  Happy 50th, Wet Bandits Blog!

Let's see how we got there!

26 posts:  Liuzzi (Dan)

6  posts:  Liuzzi (Mike)

5  posts:   Geoff

4  posts:  Demetriou

3  posts:  Jason

2  posts:  Becky

2  posts:  Kristi

1  post:   Penrith

*If you're unaware, NSFW stands for "Not Safe For Work."  Demetriou, this footnote is primarily directed to you for assistance.

Happy Birthday, Geoff!

Another Animal Video. Now With More Funny!

The sound effects make this hilarious... as does the ending. (Make sure you watch it full through!)

Video #3, Because All Good Things Come In Threes Or Whatever..

This is one of my favorite videos.   I think I peed a little when I first saw it, I love it so much.   It's audio from a (supposedly very bad) horror movie called "Wicker Man," paired along with video from.... well, you'll see.

The original footage, in case you were wondering, was Nicholas Cage with this torture helmet dealy on, and people pouring bees in it.  Not a funny scene.  Unless it's paired up with Mega Man footage.

Fun With Sulfur Hexaflouride!

Or as some* would call it:  Helium's evil twin.

I wish we could try this!  But apparently Sulfur Hexaflouride is so expensive, most websites won't even list the price.  Anyway.  Enjoy, it's hilarious.  I laugh everytime for some reason.

*I call it that.

OMG. ADORABLE.

Speaking as someone who is the furthest thing from an animal lover... this little story is too cute.  I dare anyone with a heart* not to be moved.

*Demetriou excluded.

Adopt a kitty?

While staying at home, my sister found a kitten that she wants to rescue. She just arrived back from Rome however and doesn't yet have a new place or job. She's figuring it'll be a month or two before that is beat out. A shelter is coming to get the kitty, but it's a shelter that puts animals down. My sister is desperate to find the cat a temporary home until she can take it. Anybody interested in saving a life for a month or two? This is mostly directed at Demetriou, Jay, and Kristi. She's apparently really friendly.

Mark your calenders for the 13th

Jersey peeps, my birthday is on a Saturday night, so something's going down in NYC. Details to come. I'm sure it'll be at a gay bar, sorry fellas! Liuzzi get on a plane and get out here!

WTF, American Greetings?

**UPDATE 09/10/08**  Yes, this was indeed known by AG.  The posters all around the building say, "Who Ph+arted?"  I guess our company DOES have a sense of humor.

I wish I could say this is made-up.   Some sort of funny gag my employer is pulling on us.   Alas, it is not.  

The Post Where Liuzzi Tries To Fit In.

Hey guys, this may be old news to you, but I came across it and found it funny...

The undoctored closed captioning broadcast of The Phils vs The Mets:

The image file is aptly titled "The Mets are pussies."

Some jokes about it I read:

"Their 'Hot Streak Ovulate' sounds like some sick mating ritual that really shouldn’t be discussed during a baseball game.  Just a friendly reminder that if you’re a dude looking to bang a member of the Mets — be careful, they’re awfully fertile this time of the month."

and, also:

"The Mets reclaimed their half-game lead in the NL East last night, and if the closed-captioning to Tuesday night’s game is any indication, it’s because New York is just really in sync. All the players just seem to be in tune to the same schedule, you know? Why, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a couple of them hit for the cycle."

(Got the story from a Phillies blog called The Fightins.)

Also, something maybe you've seen (again, I don't know) is this picture of Cole Hamels as a kid:

Apparently this guy, "Cole Hamels" is a famous Phillies player?  I think he plays the rank of "pitcher."  You see, what makes that picture cool (I believe), is the fact that he was dressed as a Phillies player as a child, and now plays for them as an adult.   ... Get it? 

...I'm cool now, right, everyone?

Finally, My Campaign Is Getting Some Coverage!

So that news report is recent, but I've made an important decision even more recently... That's right, I've finally added a VP pick to my Presidential ticket! Political analysts all over are talking about my choice. I hope you all approve.

Priceless

Because I've Become Re-Obsessed with Arrested Development.

This is for Jason, so he can laugh at the click of a button:

This one I found online and thought I'd post because it combines two things we love.  (I'm thinking mostly of J and Demetriou, but if anyone appreciates it, I'm glad)

I hope you guys like this one.  I don't know.  I think it's hilarous.  It's Will Arnett acting like GOB (basically), but just a... NC-17 version of him, haha.  It's absolutely disgusting.  

For Us Seinfeld Fans.

This is the Seinfeld Poster Challenge from TBS.com. How many gags can you find? (Hint: There's 38... some are REALLY weirdly represented) I posted the answers below the poster as hidden text. Just highlight it to view them. After that, I made a duplicate image, with all the answers there. The only two I was confused about was The Statue and The Puffy Shirt... I don't even remember the Statue episode, because it was in season 2 and I don't watch them.

Also: To view the posters full size (which you'll probably have to do to see everything), click them and open 'em in a new window.

1. Double Dipping, 2. Fusilli Jerry, 3. Art Vandalay, 4. Stopping Short, 5. Festivus Pole, 6. Sponge Worthy, 7. Little Jerry, 8. Muffin Tops, 9. The Statue, 10. De-Gifting, 11. Anti-Dentite, 12. Smelly Car, 13. Pig Man, 14. The Bro, 15. Man Hands, 16. Puddy, 17. Soup Nazi, 18. Kramerica, 19. Library Cop, 20. The Virgin, 21. Master of Your Domain, 22. Little Kicks, 23. Yada Yada Yada, 24. The Jerk Store, 25. J. Peterman, 26. Big Salad, 27. Big Toe Captain, 28. High Five, 29. Buck Naked, 30. Puffy Shirt, 31. "Spare-A-Square," 32. Astronaut Pen, 33. High Talker, 34. Covenant of the Keys, 35. Poppy Seed Muffin, 36. Pencil with Jon Voight's Bite Marks, 37. "These pretzels are making me thirsty," 38. Bubble Boy

Have fun!

Hope you guys have a great time in the Bahamas! I wish I could be there with you. I'm looking forward to the pics and stories (maybe the cardboard cut out of me will make a few). I'll see you guys sometime soon, hopefully.

If I was a science fiction writer, I couldn't make this up - Man gets probation for girlfriend being stuck to toilet

Scenario: A redneck family in Kansas begins arguing 2 years ago over who drank the last year. As the man threatens his girlfriend, she because reclusive and hides in the toilet.

Characters: Kory, Girlfriend

Key Props: A Toilet

Action!

NESS CITY, Kan. - A man whose girlfriend sat on a toilet for so long
that the seat adhered to her body will spend six months on probation.

Kory McFarren pleaded no contest last month to a misdemeanor count of
mistreatment of a dependent adult. A judge sentenced him Tuesday to six months
in jail but granted the probation after the victim, Pam Babcock, asked for
leniency."She didn't believe that her circumstances were his fault," Ness County
Attorney Craig Crosswhite said.

Babcock's plight became known in February when McFarren called the Ness
County sheriff, expressing concern about his live-in girlfriend. When
authorities arrived, they found Babcock physically stuck to the toilet.McFarren
told police Babcock had refused to come out of the bathroom for two years.

Medical personnel estimated she'd been sitting on the toilet for at least a
month and said the seat had adhered to sores on her body.She is now under the
protection of a guardian who was appointed through the legal department at the
hospital where she received treatment.

Also Tuesday, McFarren was sentenced to six months in jail for an unrelated
charge of lewd and lascivious behavior for exposing himself to a teenage
neighbor in March. (This part builds character.)

Annnnndddd......Scene!

Because Everyone's Been Talking About Drinking...

T Minus 3 days and Liuzzi doesn't have his passport. I'm actually starting to doubt I'll make this trip. I should know by tomorrow if I'll be able to go or not. If I don't get it... I'm looking into some sort of legal action or something. I'm gonna want a refund for MANY dollars. ANYWAY. While I sit here, going grey stressing over it, I thought I'd post some drinking related things I've seen.

This here is the Yin Yang Power Bomb Shot Cup. Now, I don't know much about shots or "bombs" or whatever the kids nowadays use as "chasers." But I recall Penrith and Jason liking to do some sort of "bomb." I know this is probably inferior to dropping a shot glass in a glass, but I thought I'd show anyway. If you can't figure out how it works by looking at the picture, click the link... and all will be revealed.







This is just kinda funny. At a whopping $49, even Dan Liuzzi wouldn't spend money on this Sommelier Wine Glass. Yes, it's made of glass. And yes, it looks like a party/college drink cup. But it's a wine glass!! CRAZY!! ...I make fun, but seriously, it's kinda a funny idea.
















The piece de resistance! ...Three chicks in a pool. Nah, just joshin'. There are two competing products from what I'm aware. Both are the same idea: Beer Pong in the pool. There's Poolside Pong (featured at left) and there's PortOPong. I actually think it's a REALLY good idea and wanna do it. I mean... Don't get me wrong, I would fail with flying colors and lose like I always do. But still, fun.




Well. There's some fun stuff for you to waste 5 minutes reading about. really hope I see you all in 3 days. If I don't, I'm going to be jealous to the point of anger. ARGGGGGH PASSPORT SHIT!!!

Sharkweek on Discovery Channel

Life gets just a little bit the last week in July.

Yankees Stadium

Thanks to Becky H. for having an extra ticket to tonight's game at Yankees Stadium. Even though I hate the Yankees, I put on my best behavior (and my navy blue shirt and hat) and enjoyed my first trip to this historic stadium. Click here to see some additional pictures (the gallery features all of the power hours from June...the pictures from the game are toward the end). The stadium just has a feel of champions, and when I think of Yankees games, I feel like they're all like the one we just saw: Both A-Rod and Jeter homered, they were up by 6 runs after 3 innings, Abreu had two hits, they blasted Sinatra's "New York, New York" after the final out... I always assumed that Yankees fans get to witness this typical behavior all the time, but Becky assures me that they don't do this everyday. I understand that Drew is yet to witness a Yankees win this year (which is funny considering that I took his ticket). It's strange that behind the beautiful outside shell that we see on TV all the time lies a concourse that is literally eight feed wide. When you get to be a part of the 55,000 fans trying to get to their seats and squeezing through the narrow walkways, you understand why they are opening a new stadium next year. The new stadium will allow the Yankees to open up some luxury boxes and add some much needed revenue. I think they're payroll was only 209 million in 2008...those fans will finally be rewarded! I'm glad I can say I've been to Yankees Stadium now, thank you Becky (and Drew) for the opportunity. That's now 11 stadiums I've been to. Next Tuesday the 29th (unless Jason or I have work), there's a good chance we'll be going to Washington DC to see the Phillies play at new National's Park...all are invited. And then two days later...BAHAMAS!

Re: Demonry, Black Magic, Other 17th Century Verbage

Since I'm bed-ridden with some kind of sun induced stomach flu....

In response to my brother's image of tomfoolery, it certainly is legitimate. It is amazing the tricks the eyes and mind can play on each other. The simplest way to confirm is to just take Microsoft Paint and cut out the B Block and put it next to the A block. Shockingly, you'll see it is clearly correct!

DEMONRY! BLACK MAGIC! AAGH!!

Well, illusionary images are nothing new.  I'm sure we've all gotten forwards, chock full of 'em.  But, I still enjoy them.  It's fascinating to see how our eyes trick our brain and blah blah blah.  

So I was cruising around this one good illusion site, and found one that I refuse to believe.  Ya know how some illusions look like they're moving... but you can step back and see, "Oh hey, it's just a stationary image,"  or some have perspective tricks, but when you look at it for another minute, you see, "Ohh, I can see now, the two lines ARE the same size!..."?  Well, I cannot do that to this image.  I know it's correct.  I brought it into Photoshop and saw; yes, they are indeed the same shade of grey.  But no matter what I do, I cannot train my eyes to see them as the same shade.  

I've therefore concluded the following image is made by the devil and it should be burned.

Since we're posting videos...

Only Becky will find this interesting, but indulge me.

Last night on So You Think You Can Dance, they did the first ever Pas De Deux, and it kicked ass. For those unfamiliar with ballet/modern, a pas de deux means step of two, duet basically. But specifically defining the dance as a pas de deux implies extreme difficulty in technique and extension/partnering. And it was choreographed by none other than Desmond Richardson!! Google him, he's a huge name in the dance world.

Watch it, it's pretty amazing. I wish I could dance like that! And having that body wouldn't be so bad either.

A glimpse whether you like it or not

Tuesday Evening July 15th :

I left work at around 8:30 P.M. It was one of the later days I had worked in a while. Normal routine suggested I should phone over to the Demetriou Jason household. I opt to call Jason, fearing Demetriou would be unreachable, asleep, or at work. After 4 rings, Jason picks up "Ello?", said in a Jason voice with half effort, as if he had been lying awkwardly on the side couch that is too small for him. I ask what he is doing and he responds "watching the all-star game". I then ask "Is Demetriou there?" and he responds "yes". Relief and joy wash over me as spending time with both Jason and Demetriou in the same room is a great time.

As I arrive at the door, I know that once I ring the doorbell, Jason and Demetriou will be playing "Rock, paper, scissors" to determine who will let me in. Jason wins 90% of the time, however in my mind I had already placed a bet favoring Demetriou. As Jason appears to open the door, I congratulate myself on my keen foresight only to have any elation squandered as I learn Demetriou made him get the door because he was eating a sandwich.

I enter the apartment, carrying a bag with a sandwich and chips from "Old Nelson", the Wawa replacement that is superior to its predecessor because of its higher quality meats and its service from individuals of Asian influence. As I sit down, my relief and joy are gone, for I am already thinking about the next day. The next day is a trip to Reading, which means a 5:30 rise. The drive will begin at Starbucks and then I will turn onto Egg Harbor Road. Then I will proceed to hit 80 to 90% of the 7 traffic lights I have to go through before I hit 55. Then its a crap shoot as to whether the Philadelphia area decides to work that day, as there could be all or no traffic.

This puts me in a foul mood. As I look to my left, I get a closer look at Demetriou. He is sitting in his chair with his blanket on. He looks a bit frazzled. I can see he is irritated, probably because he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Nevertheless, I decide to test him. I begin asking him questions, making comments, mainly things along the line of: " Man, Demetriou is so lucky he gets to immediately plop in his chair once he wakes up to watch the game" Midway through this comment, he interjects "Don't even start Penrith". For his sake, I refrained for a bit and turned my attention to Jason.

There is no reason to try to annoy Jason. There are many pleasant things I can discuss with him, such as possible trades for Ryan Howard, our fantasy baseball leagues, excessive drinking on the vacation, etc. Most of these conversations annoy Demetriou, therefore that adds even more enjoyment. Before any of these exchanges can begin though, Jason is already mis-pronouncing several of the baseball players' names on the television. I support is mis-pronunciations by repeating them in my version of the Jason voice. Again, Demetriou's frustration builds. This repeats until it is time for me to leave. Occasionally, we play Dr. Mario before I leave.

This is what it is like over Demetriou and Jason's when it is just the three of us. I love it and find great amusement just about the whole time. If you can imagine the scene, hopefully you will find amusement too.

Happy Birthday to Becky and my Dad.

It's Called the Road. It's Called RainBow Road

...And it's the road you go to, when you die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuX5_OWObA0

I wish I knew how to post videos directly on here. It would make this that much funnier/bizarre.

**Update!***
Figured it out.

And Demetriou Freaks If You Text In A CAR...

This here is a crazy video taken on the streets of New Delhi, India. That's right, he is lying down on a motorcyle, texting, on the highway. If you're ever in a car with Demetriou and have to text, he reacts as if you're doing the following:

(Addendum: Okay, of course texting while driving isn't the SAFEST thing in the world, and you shouldn't do it. But c'mon. I mean. C'mon. It happens sometimes, we all do it.)

New Jersey Welcomes Home Its Favorite Son

On Behalf of the Great State of New Jersey, The Liuzzi Backyard, Millville, The Crabs in Beaver Dam, Landmark Americana, South Philadelphia, and Rita's of Washington Township, I'd like to officially welcome back Dan Liuzzi and thank him for bringing his celebrity status to the Tri-State area. His recognition of his hometown and donations to the local economies (most notable, Atlantic City) are appreciated. As a sign of our gratitude, we have attached some photos, documenting his journey.


Signed,


Management

Awesome Prius Ad Campaign Reassures Me Of My Awesomeness. (Awesome!)

This is a new Ad Campaign that reads at the bottom of the image:  "Well, At Least He (/She) Drives A Prius."  I think it's pretty funny.

There's two more, one of a guy picking up a hooker, and another of a wife cheating on her husband with her gardener.

This Dog Is a Balloonatic!

This is the cutest/funniest/cutest again thing I've ever seen...

I Find "This" Blog Hilarious.

This is a blog called The "Blog" Of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It's a guaranteed laugh whenever I read it, personally. People send in pictures all over the world of signs written by those who don't perhaps "understand" grammar and use quotation marks "way too loosely."

Some examples:

Jesus Saves

A word Catholicism...

So, I'm housesitting for my parents. The other day, I check the mail and find a letter addressed to me. I find this strange, as I rarely have mail delivered there these days. I find it even stranger because it is from "The Church of the Holy Family". Here is what it said:

Dear Kristi:

Birthdays are important events that signify the close of one year as we add another candle to our cake as well as the hope that we will celebrate many more happy and healthy years by being able to blow out those lit candles. (Translation: We're buttering you up)

Certain birthdays mark particular milestones in our lives and new lables of responsiblity. At seventeen we can drive; at eighteen we can exercise independence from our parents and cast our vote; and at twenty-one we can legally drink alcohol and gamble in casinos. (Translation: Those were pretty cool milestones, weren't they?) You recently celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday, the quarter-century mark...please accept my prayerful congratulations. (Translation: Now that you're getting old, we're praying for you.)

At this time, I ask you to accept two new faith responsibilities - to register as a member of the parish and to support the parish on your own. (Send us money, or you'll burn in hell) We want you to be an active participant in parish life and remind you that registration is required for the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage (as long as you're not a homo) and for receiving a letter of eligibility to stand as a godparent or sponsor for Baptism or Confirmation. (Translation: Join the church...or else!)

Registering is easy and takes only a few minutes. (That's what she said) You may stop by the parish office or click the "Become a Member" section of our website.

If there is anything that I or any of the priests here at Holy Family can do for you, please let me know. Congratulations on your birthday. I will remember you in my prayers and at Mass.

God bless,
(Reverend) Robert E. Hughes

So basically, they wished me a happy birthday then tried to guilt me into sending them money. Did anyone else get this letter?

Thanks be to God.

4th of July

What are we doing, kids? My friends are having a rooftop party in Queens if you guys wanna go. Or if you wanna make plans down here. I know Demetriou and Becky are out. How bout the rest?

Like a married couple?

Pay close attention to the return address - I think this says it all. If only I could have photoshopped out the comma.....

Blast Billiards

For a very addictive game to pass the time, I recommend playing some Blast Billiards. Not only is it a simple game to play (Manuever the Cue with your mouse, click and hold to power your shot, release to shoot), but trying to beat your previous high score becomes addictive.

Shoot the cue ball into a pocket and it causes an explosion and your run is over. Level 3 and up, disturb the dynamite and the game is also over.

Besides the explosion, there isn't much flashy or too intricate about this game. If you like playing Billiards or not, this game is worth a shot. I find myself losing a lot of time playing this game. It's great to play while unwinding from a hard day of work, or during your lunch break at work. You can really burn anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours playing this game. There are tournament modes available, but you need to be a registered member at eBaumsworld. There's really no need to do so, as the high score is always posted at the top. (It's been 3550 for a month or so now.

My Personal High Score is 2117. What's yours?

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/play/1189

Testing, testing...1, 2, 3....

Drew and I learned to sail! :-)
So I wanted to wait until I had something half way interesting to say before attempting to post something....and though I haven't been jumping out of any planes lately, Drew and I did learn to sail this weekend. We took a 22 hour intensive sailing course and received our American Sailing Association certification, so now we're like official sailors or something. The test was pretty intense - it was the first time we studied for anything since college. We both passed (I whooped Drew's butt) but I must admit he at least rescued "Bob" during our man-overboard drills, while I let "Bob" drown... Let's see if I can figure out how to post more pictures....



The view of Manhattan from the boat (A 24 footer!) which was called The Flying Dutchman. Now all I have to do is buy some more pirate pants and an eyepatch....Arrrgh!

(I can't figure out how to do any sort of layout with pictures on this thing.... And since I'm having enough trouble posting and haven't tried commenting yet, let me just say I've thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone else's posts!)

Not so lucky this time

Remember when we went to Atlantic City for Liuzzi's 21st, and Jason and I were so happy we won money? Those were the days. Unfortunately, we didn't do so well on Thursday night. After writing the painful checks to Becky earlier in the day, we decided to go to Atlantic City to win back our money...seems like a flawless plan, right?! Long story short, I lost $50 and Jason lost $300. We treated ourselves to Phily diner afterwards, of course, to lift our spirits. This, after buying wings and french fries for lunch. A day of spending (and losing) money and eating junk lead to a decision for us to not spend any money on food or drinks beginning in July and lasting until the vacation in August (except for the Yankees game, if we go in July). That will be good for the health of our bodies and our bank accounts. That being said, we're hosting a power hour this Saturday night if anybody wants to come (it's allowed, it's still June).

Demetriou, You Can Do This Better. Make Me a CD?

If I could play the piano (and guitar better), I would record an album soley of these songs. And then I'd include one silent track at the end, called "None," for Demetriou to listen to.

Mario Kart Wedding Cake Makes Me Want to Marry.

This is a delicious wedding cake, presumably of the coolest couple to live on this planet.

At first glimpse, you might think this is a generic Mario-themed cake, judging by the Princess Peach castle and such.   But you'd be wrong.   Oh, how you'd be wrong.  Notice the middle portion... what's that they're riding on, you ask?   That's Rainbow Road, my friend!  Below that?  Sherbet Land, perhaps?  And below that?  .....I dunno, Yoshi Circuit or some crap.  One of the boring Mushroom Cup tracks that I would never play except for when Demetriou pulls his "C'mon guys, let's play them all!" BS.

In my opinion, all this cake is missing is a giant Waluigi sitting on top, saying "Waluigi's the winner!" and dancing with a giant Hammer-Bot, who's throwing Dr. Mario pill trash down from above, crushing all competition.

For a bunch of awesome close-ups, including one of Toad (Penrith) and Luigi (Jason), click the picture above to go to the Flickr page.   

Addendum #1: I found ANOTHER cake right after I typed this whole entry.  Go here to check that one out, too!

Addendum #2:  Haha, while we're on the subject of Mario Kart, I found this image fun (click it for more images of it's kind)

My drunk roommate

Jason went to a concert tonight, drank a lot, came home, ate lots of pizza, then went in his room and fell out of bed. I, Dan Demetriou, took a picture. Enjoy. By the way, that's an iced tea container you see.

In Case You Haven't Seen This...

If you haven't been to FunnyOrDie.com before, I recommend it.  It's founded by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay; and it's basically YouTube, but only comedy videos.  Some celebrity comedians make exclusive videos just for this site.  I have my favorites, but here's one I think all can enjoy.  It's an old one, but I'll never tire of it.

For a simple (but funny) video I also like, featuring Link from the original NES game, go here.

Demetriou's Best Friend

Who is this Steve? As person who likes everyone, I must say this particular person does tend to get on my nerves. So, how do you make a Steve?

1. A dash of "stereotypical black person at a movie theater"
2. Two cups of social awkwardness
3. Three tablespoons of being extremely opinionated
4. A spoonful of stubbornness
5. One cup of 'Even though I am wrong, I am right'
6. Four teaspoons of anger
7. A large dash of extreme self-confidence

Take all of those ingredients and mix them all up and you get our beloved Steve. Demetriou says he means well... but in all honesty this person should not be allowed around people. So, why is Demetriou friends with him? It could be that Demetriou is a good person who see the good in anyone. Or, perhaps there is more?

Dan Liuzzi and Hank Hill: A Comparison.

As my first post, and for experimentation purposes, I decided to compose a comparison between my brother Dan, and King of the Hill's Hank Hill. The reason for such a comparison? Dan hates King of the Hill (without warrant), and there are many similiarities that viewers of the show and friends of Dan that people may notice. You'll see that some of the similiarities are just as strong as the differences. Let me know if you agree.

Similarities:

• Dan is uncomfortable saying "Thongs" and "Bras". Hank refers to such items as "Women's undergarments." (while shuddering due to being uncomfortable saying it.)
• Hank is "not one to make special requests" of people in the service industry. Dan would never make special requests of anyone in service industries.
• In social situations, both Hank and Dan both try to relate others jobs' to difficult realities of their own experience (Hank relates everything to selling Propane andPropane Accessories, where Dan relates everything to working in a restaurant)
• At a bachelor party, Hank assumes the "late night entertainment" was karaoke. Dan would probably assume the same. (It was actually strippers, to which each would be uncomfortable.)
• Hank can't say he "loves" another male, neither can Dan.
• Dan often over explains irrelevant things to people. Hank once explained to a cop that the "individual in the picture weighs 190 pounds, whereas he is 197, which was just an extra layer around the stomach."
• Hank: "Ah, finally, some paper work. Now, we're finally getting some where." Dan: "They probably have some kind of form for that."
• Dan and Hank each wear thick black glasses frames and a relatively conservative hair cut.
• Hank can't convey his emotions without much blabbering and hesitation. Same goes for Dan.
• Both are naive and believe that no one would ever do something wrong with malice intent.

Differences:

• Hank was a football player. Dan HATES football players, and all sports.
• Dan is very liberal; Hank is very conservative.
• Hank drinks beer with his friends socially everyday; Dan despises people who drink beer socially "just to drink."
• Hank preaches about propane, Dan doesn't know the difference between Propane, Butane, Methane, and Charcoal.
• Dan is an atheist, Hank is a devout Methodist.
• Hank is upset that his son is into theatre and comedy, and not sports. If Dan has a son, he would want him to be artsy and creative, and not into sports.
• Dan hates Rednecks; Hank IS a redneck.

So there's some of the similiarities and differences between my brother and favorite cartoon character. In retrospect, this was pretty much a useless post, and quite stupid. And unless you're me or Dan Demetriou, you probably won't even understand it.

In the future, I will try to debunk the myth that I'm an angry, close minded, self-righteous, miserable, and bigot version of my brother - a myth that Pendrith pretty much created.

*My apologies to Dan for seemingly personally attacking him.