Friday, October 31, 2008

SNL Friday.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I Just Heard The News: The Phillies Are In The World Series!

Nah, not really.  I found out a week or so ago.  But that headline is very plausable for me, never the less.  

If I post something Phillies related, I try and make it something that wouldn't be reported on ESPN or the newspaper, because as far as I'm aware, that's the only place most of you get your sports news.  But the sister site of a movie blog I go to posts some Phillies news, and here's something I thought you guys might get a chuckle at.

To find out whose jersey she's 'wearing', and for more pics, go here.

Oh, and is this description true so far of the World Series?

I don’t know if it’s fair to call something boring if you don’t even try to watch it, but I’m not really interested in being fair: this World Series is super-dooper boring. I couldn’t be more thrilled that I didn’t watch the Rays’ 4-2 win last night, because I nearly fell asleep reading the recap. A sample:

"Tampa Bay never really got a huge hit, but neither did the Phillies as Jimmy Rollins and crew fell to 1-for-28 with runners in scoring position…

Tampa Bay scored on Jason Bartlett’s safety squeeze and built another rally when Rocco Baldelli walked on a checked swing that seemed to confuse players and umpires alike."

Poor situational hitting! Bunts! Check-swing walks! Hold onto your hats, kids — this wild ride could go seven games!

Game 3 is in Philly on Saturday night, but thankfully, rain is in the forecast. Even God doesn’t want to watch this series.
I'm betting you guys don't feel that way.  I'm sure it's a great Series, Demetriou, I don't mean any offense.  Not gonna lie though, that read made me laugh.

Also, not to continue to rain on everyone's Philly parade, but a writer had called for submissions for people to tell him about their worst/most amusing experiences with the notoriously obnoxious Philly fans.  Here are those stories.  And here's one:

My Philly experience is a pretty simple one. I was at a Phillies game once as a fan and the four guys sitting behind me were booing everything they could get their eyes on.

When someone would buy a Diet Coke: “Booo Diet Coke! Pepsi’s better.”

When someone walked by wearing sandals: “Sandals suck! Next time wear shoes.”

When someone got a hit: “Boo single! We want a friggin’ double.”

But the topping on this cake was when a guy arrived in our section during the second inning wearing a Roberto Clemente throwback jersey. So screamed the four Philly faithful: “Boooo Roberto Clemente. He’s dead.”

-Wayne Drehs, Senior Writer,
That's a tame one.  There are multiple stories that deal with urination on people and the such (all apprently meant to be humorous).

Hahahah, sports fans are so intelligent and understanding. 

Thursday, October 23, 2008

SNL Friday, from Mike

From the SNL Valuts, comes one of the funniest skits they've done in recent times. Also, it's from probably the first SNL episode people talked about in literally years, with Justin Timberlake. This episode and specifically this skit made it ok for guys to admit to liking Justin Timberlake.

Also, in the season of the approaching holidays, I thought this hilarious video is a good match.

*Click here for the uncensored version, which is worth watching it again.*

Friday, October 17, 2008

SNL Friday.

Well, I almost forgot. And it's technically Saturday now. But here's another SNL clip I enjoy very much.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Kinda Nerdy Humor.

I've been wasting alot of time on this network of humor sites.  I just wanna post a couple of images from one section of it here.  It's called Graph Jam.  I grabbed a few hopefully you all can enjoy:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, please...

sign this woman's sign!

Possible thoughts running through Obama's mind:
1) That's a clever slogan!
2) Wow, this person is artsy.
3) How did they cut this shape out?
4) Will my sharpie write on this type of paint?
5) Does the Secret Service Agent over my right shoulder have a mustache, or is that a weird shadow from his nose?

Possible thoughts running through your head:
1) "Is she subtley calling Obama a spook?"
2) "Is she really an undercover republican who is going to sell a signed Obama statue of a Klansmen, after painting over her alleged Anti-Palin message and adding a little hood to the specter?"
3) "I'm a strict demorcat, so why was my first thought that this image had racial undertones!"
4) "Wait, IS that a sweet mustache on the secret service agent over Obama's shoulder or a weird nose shadow??"

Friday, October 10, 2008

SNL Friday.

So I have an idea.  Every Friday, I'm going to post a funny SNL video.  (Who wants to bet I will forget about this by next week?)  "But, Dan," you may say, "SNL hasn't been funny for years!"  Well, my friends, they do still do some good skits.  Now, if you see SNL from time to time, you may have already seen some clips that I post.  They're not all new, by any means.  But I will pick only the funniest ones to post!

Now, I present you with... "MacGyve-- I mean, "MacGruber: Father and Son."


Mike, I know you were asking me to read your post next time I checked the blog, and now here I am to just post overtop it.  Sorry about that!

So my friend Meg's birthday was last week, and she had an 80s birthday theme party.  There were probably, like, 40 people dressed in 80s apparel in a small apartment. But it was so much fun.  Glow necklaces, strobe light, 80s music, yellow and pink streamers.  Meg went all out.  I'll try and post the pictures on my Facebook sometime soon, but I'm really bad about updating there.  Here's me and Meg, as a taste, though:

Anyway, that isn't my real reason for posting.  My real reason is because I wanna post another funny video, because that's how I do.  BUT(!) the video is 80s related!  So... awesome segway, huh??  Right??  Guys?

Everybody knows* "Take On Me" as one of the best 80s songs ever.  And most of us have seen the music video, it's a classic.  Family Guy even parodied it.  Well, here it is again; but this time, the lyrics have been changed to represent what's going on in the video.  And it made me cry laughing the first time I saw it.  I hope you enjoy it as much.

*Demetriou excluded.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Presidential Election 2008

Ever since Daniel J. Liuzzi announced his candidacy for President of the United States, we have all heard the smear attacks, the debates, personal attacks, and spins on the issues and policies on both Daniel and his opponent, Michael T. Liuzzi.
Recently, the Liuzzi-Demetriou campaign released it's most prominent and dominant press release since their campaign began:

- Associated Press (AP)
-Liuzzi-Demetriou 2008 for Presidency

"In these hard economic times, there is one candidate who can relate to the
issues of you, the Middle Class American. Daniel Liuzzi knows what it's
like to struggle with your family budget, pay for high gas prices, and buy
groceries with a sluggish economy. His opponent can not relate. In a
recent business meeting, Michael T. Liuzzi admitted that he doesn't know how
much money he makes.
-I don't know how much I make...what is my salary again?
(Source: Muracco & Liuzzi, PC)

Not only is Michael T. Liuzzi out of touch with the American people on the
economy, he contradicts his very own claim to put the environment his number 1
priority. In a recent audit done by AAA Mid-Atlantic Insurance Company of
New Jersey, it was revealed that Michael Liuzzi has not only one, but two
gasoline powered cars. Not only is Michael Liuzzi a supporter of big oil,
his campaign will surely continue his wasteful spending in Office.

Dan Liuzzi believes in creating more jobs, putting all Hybrids (like the
one he owns) on the road and taking gas guzzling V-8's such as his opponents and
other carbon emitting vehicles such as his opponents other car, off the
road. Daniel also knows that Washington must stop the wasteful spending
that his opponent exercises, and will impose tougher legislation to ensure most
careful spending.

On the issue of taxes, Daniel knows that middle class americans need and
deserve a tax cut. Michael believes that small business (such as the one
he works for and does consulting work for) need the tax cut. Under
Daniel's plan, Americans such as yourself will receive the relieft you need,
while under Michael's plan, Michael and his entrepreneur friends will

Michael was quoted as saying "I believe small business are the key to
America's economy." (Rowan University, 2006).
Michael also been linked to charging those same small business astronomical
fees (up to $250/hour) for his consulting services.

Daniel's opponent would also have you believe the Healthcare system isn't
in ruins. Perhaps it's because Michael "doesn't use health
insurance." If he doesn't use Health Insurance, how can he relate to the
American people on their rising costs and lower benefits?

On America's final major issue, Foreign Policy, Michael plans to continue
the war in the Middle East and continue another 4 more years of the same past
8. Daniel will institue an immediate troop withdrawal and reduce the
United States' presence across the globe. After being tied to both Racist
innuendos and anti-gay conservatives, we can't afford to have
a Commander-In-Chief with non-sensical dislike for minority
groups. Daniel understands the key to America's success is through
understanding and tolerance for diversity.

After 8 years of Epic Failure, we can't afford another 4 of Michael
Liuzzi's out of touch, racist Independents in the White House. This
Election Day, vote Daniel Liuzzi & Dan Demetriou; because with them in
Office, America will regain it's place as the "Best Dan Country to Live
In" again."
With Daniel's rising place in the polls and the controversy surrounding Michael's gaming habits, there isn't much speculation to how well this release will help Liuzzi-Demetriou in the election.

Issues and Policies, if a picture speaks a thousand words, from the above depiction, who would you rather have running your country?

Friday, October 3, 2008


I was going to start this post just by discussing an exciting trip to Atlantic City, but then realized I also just got back from Las Vegas about 2 weeks ago. Then I realized I went to Atlantic City to gamble just two weeks after gambling (A LOT) in Las Vegas. Then I realized I may have a gambling problem.

Vegas was great. Everything you expect it to be; although I was disappointed in the lack of hookers available on the strip, yet surprised at the number of mexicans handing out the hookers' business cards. Our typical day went like this:
1) Wake up early as shit (Jet lag's a bitch)
2) Gamble at one of three casino's until about 9:30
3) Eat Brunch
4) Sit and Drink by the pool until about 12:30
5) Watch two episodes of Home Improvement
6) Walk the strip, explore casinos
7) Gamble
8) Shower and Relax a minute
9) Eat Dinner (Which likely included Lobster, Filet Mignon, and/or Bacon)
10) Gamble
11) Sleep

So that was pretty outstanding. On the trip I officially became a high roller and was comped about $200 worth of food and discounts on the suite we stayed in for the week.

When we came back, I wanted to go to Atlantic City but was too tired. So Phil and I went the following week with intentions to make a couple bucks on rapid roulette. For those of you who don't know, Rapid Roulette is like roulette but with a touch screen instead of chips; each player has their own station and can place their bets like usual, with a live dealer and pit boss and everything. Since the minimum bets are lower, Phil and I usually pool together our money, play our set of numbers, and split the profits/losses. Last time, we doubled up everytime.

I let Phil take the helm and do the betting, since it's usually the other way around. Instead of just sticking to our carefully selected set of numbers, Phil decides to grow some balls and make others bets on the outside as well. I gotta say, not bad. Only once did he bet and lose. We were breaking even or losing on our numbers and Phil had enough. So we get down to our last 8 bucks and what does the bastard do? Puts it all on Red. It Comes Out. Now we have like $17 bucks. He puts it all on Odd. It Comes Out! Now we have $34 (almost back to even of $40). PUTS IT ALL ON BLACK. Comes out! So now were' up to $68. Phil decides to put his balls back and make inside bets until we get back down to $40 and leave. Pretty tense and happy we came out even.

After eating some delicious Johnny Rockets, we went back to the table where Phil constantly broke even again. I kept walking away to play some slots, thinking I was giving him the Malocchios. Next thing I know, I get a call from Phil telling me he's done. Fed up with only being $9 in the green, Phil decided to randomly throw $49 on a color, and It Came Out. So we Had like $98 when we both put in $20 originally. Not Bad. As we go to cash out, we see three tables, each with about 7-8 consecutive colors. After some meticulous planning Phil chose one he liked and put $50 on the other color.

I walked away.

I found some lady who hit 4 $1280 Jackpots in a half hour and figured all the luck had been diverted to her and assumed Phil had lost the $50 bet he placed.

As I walked back to the table, I saw the ball had not landed yet and Phil had his fist to his mouth in disgust. Red had come out and we lost. But suddenly Phil's disgust turned to a fist pump of victory as the ball popped out of red and into black - we doubled up again, thanks to Phil's Brass Balls.

So I came home from Bally's that day with $80 more than I brought, a succes in deed. It should help wash out the $2,000 loss at Las Vegas.