If I was a science fiction writer, I couldn't make this up - Man gets probation for girlfriend being stuck to toilet

Scenario: A redneck family in Kansas begins arguing 2 years ago over who drank the last year. As the man threatens his girlfriend, she because reclusive and hides in the toilet.

Characters: Kory, Girlfriend

Key Props: A Toilet

Action!

NESS CITY, Kan. - A man whose girlfriend sat on a toilet for so long
that the seat adhered to her body will spend six months on probation.

Kory McFarren pleaded no contest last month to a misdemeanor count of
mistreatment of a dependent adult. A judge sentenced him Tuesday to six months
in jail but granted the probation after the victim, Pam Babcock, asked for
leniency."She didn't believe that her circumstances were his fault," Ness County
Attorney Craig Crosswhite said.

Babcock's plight became known in February when McFarren called the Ness
County sheriff, expressing concern about his live-in girlfriend. When
authorities arrived, they found Babcock physically stuck to the toilet.McFarren
told police Babcock had refused to come out of the bathroom for two years.

Medical personnel estimated she'd been sitting on the toilet for at least a
month and said the seat had adhered to sores on her body.She is now under the
protection of a guardian who was appointed through the legal department at the
hospital where she received treatment.

Also Tuesday, McFarren was sentenced to six months in jail for an unrelated
charge of lewd and lascivious behavior for exposing himself to a teenage
neighbor in March. (This part builds character.)

Annnnndddd......Scene!

Because Everyone's Been Talking About Drinking...

T Minus 3 days and Liuzzi doesn't have his passport. I'm actually starting to doubt I'll make this trip. I should know by tomorrow if I'll be able to go or not. If I don't get it... I'm looking into some sort of legal action or something. I'm gonna want a refund for MANY dollars. ANYWAY. While I sit here, going grey stressing over it, I thought I'd post some drinking related things I've seen.

This here is the Yin Yang Power Bomb Shot Cup. Now, I don't know much about shots or "bombs" or whatever the kids nowadays use as "chasers." But I recall Penrith and Jason liking to do some sort of "bomb." I know this is probably inferior to dropping a shot glass in a glass, but I thought I'd show anyway. If you can't figure out how it works by looking at the picture, click the link... and all will be revealed.







This is just kinda funny. At a whopping $49, even Dan Liuzzi wouldn't spend money on this Sommelier Wine Glass. Yes, it's made of glass. And yes, it looks like a party/college drink cup. But it's a wine glass!! CRAZY!! ...I make fun, but seriously, it's kinda a funny idea.
















The piece de resistance! ...Three chicks in a pool. Nah, just joshin'. There are two competing products from what I'm aware. Both are the same idea: Beer Pong in the pool. There's Poolside Pong (featured at left) and there's PortOPong. I actually think it's a REALLY good idea and wanna do it. I mean... Don't get me wrong, I would fail with flying colors and lose like I always do. But still, fun.




Well. There's some fun stuff for you to waste 5 minutes reading about. really hope I see you all in 3 days. If I don't, I'm going to be jealous to the point of anger. ARGGGGGH PASSPORT SHIT!!!

Sharkweek on Discovery Channel

Life gets just a little bit the last week in July.

Yankees Stadium

Thanks to Becky H. for having an extra ticket to tonight's game at Yankees Stadium. Even though I hate the Yankees, I put on my best behavior (and my navy blue shirt and hat) and enjoyed my first trip to this historic stadium. Click here to see some additional pictures (the gallery features all of the power hours from June...the pictures from the game are toward the end). The stadium just has a feel of champions, and when I think of Yankees games, I feel like they're all like the one we just saw: Both A-Rod and Jeter homered, they were up by 6 runs after 3 innings, Abreu had two hits, they blasted Sinatra's "New York, New York" after the final out... I always assumed that Yankees fans get to witness this typical behavior all the time, but Becky assures me that they don't do this everyday. I understand that Drew is yet to witness a Yankees win this year (which is funny considering that I took his ticket). It's strange that behind the beautiful outside shell that we see on TV all the time lies a concourse that is literally eight feed wide. When you get to be a part of the 55,000 fans trying to get to their seats and squeezing through the narrow walkways, you understand why they are opening a new stadium next year. The new stadium will allow the Yankees to open up some luxury boxes and add some much needed revenue. I think they're payroll was only 209 million in 2008...those fans will finally be rewarded! I'm glad I can say I've been to Yankees Stadium now, thank you Becky (and Drew) for the opportunity. That's now 11 stadiums I've been to. Next Tuesday the 29th (unless Jason or I have work), there's a good chance we'll be going to Washington DC to see the Phillies play at new National's Park...all are invited. And then two days later...BAHAMAS!

Re: Demonry, Black Magic, Other 17th Century Verbage

Since I'm bed-ridden with some kind of sun induced stomach flu....

In response to my brother's image of tomfoolery, it certainly is legitimate. It is amazing the tricks the eyes and mind can play on each other. The simplest way to confirm is to just take Microsoft Paint and cut out the B Block and put it next to the A block. Shockingly, you'll see it is clearly correct!

DEMONRY! BLACK MAGIC! AAGH!!

Well, illusionary images are nothing new.  I'm sure we've all gotten forwards, chock full of 'em.  But, I still enjoy them.  It's fascinating to see how our eyes trick our brain and blah blah blah.  

So I was cruising around this one good illusion site, and found one that I refuse to believe.  Ya know how some illusions look like they're moving... but you can step back and see, "Oh hey, it's just a stationary image,"  or some have perspective tricks, but when you look at it for another minute, you see, "Ohh, I can see now, the two lines ARE the same size!..."?  Well, I cannot do that to this image.  I know it's correct.  I brought it into Photoshop and saw; yes, they are indeed the same shade of grey.  But no matter what I do, I cannot train my eyes to see them as the same shade.  

I've therefore concluded the following image is made by the devil and it should be burned.

Since we're posting videos...

Only Becky will find this interesting, but indulge me.

Last night on So You Think You Can Dance, they did the first ever Pas De Deux, and it kicked ass. For those unfamiliar with ballet/modern, a pas de deux means step of two, duet basically. But specifically defining the dance as a pas de deux implies extreme difficulty in technique and extension/partnering. And it was choreographed by none other than Desmond Richardson!! Google him, he's a huge name in the dance world.

Watch it, it's pretty amazing. I wish I could dance like that! And having that body wouldn't be so bad either.

A glimpse whether you like it or not

Tuesday Evening July 15th :

I left work at around 8:30 P.M. It was one of the later days I had worked in a while. Normal routine suggested I should phone over to the Demetriou Jason household. I opt to call Jason, fearing Demetriou would be unreachable, asleep, or at work. After 4 rings, Jason picks up "Ello?", said in a Jason voice with half effort, as if he had been lying awkwardly on the side couch that is too small for him. I ask what he is doing and he responds "watching the all-star game". I then ask "Is Demetriou there?" and he responds "yes". Relief and joy wash over me as spending time with both Jason and Demetriou in the same room is a great time.

As I arrive at the door, I know that once I ring the doorbell, Jason and Demetriou will be playing "Rock, paper, scissors" to determine who will let me in. Jason wins 90% of the time, however in my mind I had already placed a bet favoring Demetriou. As Jason appears to open the door, I congratulate myself on my keen foresight only to have any elation squandered as I learn Demetriou made him get the door because he was eating a sandwich.

I enter the apartment, carrying a bag with a sandwich and chips from "Old Nelson", the Wawa replacement that is superior to its predecessor because of its higher quality meats and its service from individuals of Asian influence. As I sit down, my relief and joy are gone, for I am already thinking about the next day. The next day is a trip to Reading, which means a 5:30 rise. The drive will begin at Starbucks and then I will turn onto Egg Harbor Road. Then I will proceed to hit 80 to 90% of the 7 traffic lights I have to go through before I hit 55. Then its a crap shoot as to whether the Philadelphia area decides to work that day, as there could be all or no traffic.

This puts me in a foul mood. As I look to my left, I get a closer look at Demetriou. He is sitting in his chair with his blanket on. He looks a bit frazzled. I can see he is irritated, probably because he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Nevertheless, I decide to test him. I begin asking him questions, making comments, mainly things along the line of: " Man, Demetriou is so lucky he gets to immediately plop in his chair once he wakes up to watch the game" Midway through this comment, he interjects "Don't even start Penrith". For his sake, I refrained for a bit and turned my attention to Jason.

There is no reason to try to annoy Jason. There are many pleasant things I can discuss with him, such as possible trades for Ryan Howard, our fantasy baseball leagues, excessive drinking on the vacation, etc. Most of these conversations annoy Demetriou, therefore that adds even more enjoyment. Before any of these exchanges can begin though, Jason is already mis-pronouncing several of the baseball players' names on the television. I support is mis-pronunciations by repeating them in my version of the Jason voice. Again, Demetriou's frustration builds. This repeats until it is time for me to leave. Occasionally, we play Dr. Mario before I leave.

This is what it is like over Demetriou and Jason's when it is just the three of us. I love it and find great amusement just about the whole time. If you can imagine the scene, hopefully you will find amusement too.

Happy Birthday to Becky and my Dad.

It's Called the Road. It's Called RainBow Road

...And it's the road you go to, when you die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuX5_OWObA0

I wish I knew how to post videos directly on here. It would make this that much funnier/bizarre.

**Update!***
Figured it out.

And Demetriou Freaks If You Text In A CAR...

This here is a crazy video taken on the streets of New Delhi, India. That's right, he is lying down on a motorcyle, texting, on the highway. If you're ever in a car with Demetriou and have to text, he reacts as if you're doing the following:

(Addendum: Okay, of course texting while driving isn't the SAFEST thing in the world, and you shouldn't do it. But c'mon. I mean. C'mon. It happens sometimes, we all do it.)

New Jersey Welcomes Home Its Favorite Son

On Behalf of the Great State of New Jersey, The Liuzzi Backyard, Millville, The Crabs in Beaver Dam, Landmark Americana, South Philadelphia, and Rita's of Washington Township, I'd like to officially welcome back Dan Liuzzi and thank him for bringing his celebrity status to the Tri-State area. His recognition of his hometown and donations to the local economies (most notable, Atlantic City) are appreciated. As a sign of our gratitude, we have attached some photos, documenting his journey.


Signed,


Management

Awesome Prius Ad Campaign Reassures Me Of My Awesomeness. (Awesome!)

This is a new Ad Campaign that reads at the bottom of the image:  "Well, At Least He (/She) Drives A Prius."  I think it's pretty funny.

There's two more, one of a guy picking up a hooker, and another of a wife cheating on her husband with her gardener.

This Dog Is a Balloonatic!

This is the cutest/funniest/cutest again thing I've ever seen...

I Find "This" Blog Hilarious.

This is a blog called The "Blog" Of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It's a guaranteed laugh whenever I read it, personally. People send in pictures all over the world of signs written by those who don't perhaps "understand" grammar and use quotation marks "way too loosely."

Some examples:

Jesus Saves

A word Catholicism...

So, I'm housesitting for my parents. The other day, I check the mail and find a letter addressed to me. I find this strange, as I rarely have mail delivered there these days. I find it even stranger because it is from "The Church of the Holy Family". Here is what it said:

Dear Kristi:

Birthdays are important events that signify the close of one year as we add another candle to our cake as well as the hope that we will celebrate many more happy and healthy years by being able to blow out those lit candles. (Translation: We're buttering you up)

Certain birthdays mark particular milestones in our lives and new lables of responsiblity. At seventeen we can drive; at eighteen we can exercise independence from our parents and cast our vote; and at twenty-one we can legally drink alcohol and gamble in casinos. (Translation: Those were pretty cool milestones, weren't they?) You recently celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday, the quarter-century mark...please accept my prayerful congratulations. (Translation: Now that you're getting old, we're praying for you.)

At this time, I ask you to accept two new faith responsibilities - to register as a member of the parish and to support the parish on your own. (Send us money, or you'll burn in hell) We want you to be an active participant in parish life and remind you that registration is required for the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage (as long as you're not a homo) and for receiving a letter of eligibility to stand as a godparent or sponsor for Baptism or Confirmation. (Translation: Join the church...or else!)

Registering is easy and takes only a few minutes. (That's what she said) You may stop by the parish office or click the "Become a Member" section of our website.

If there is anything that I or any of the priests here at Holy Family can do for you, please let me know. Congratulations on your birthday. I will remember you in my prayers and at Mass.

God bless,
(Reverend) Robert E. Hughes

So basically, they wished me a happy birthday then tried to guilt me into sending them money. Did anyone else get this letter?

Thanks be to God.

4th of July

What are we doing, kids? My friends are having a rooftop party in Queens if you guys wanna go. Or if you wanna make plans down here. I know Demetriou and Becky are out. How bout the rest?

Like a married couple?

Pay close attention to the return address - I think this says it all. If only I could have photoshopped out the comma.....

Blast Billiards

For a very addictive game to pass the time, I recommend playing some Blast Billiards. Not only is it a simple game to play (Manuever the Cue with your mouse, click and hold to power your shot, release to shoot), but trying to beat your previous high score becomes addictive.

Shoot the cue ball into a pocket and it causes an explosion and your run is over. Level 3 and up, disturb the dynamite and the game is also over.

Besides the explosion, there isn't much flashy or too intricate about this game. If you like playing Billiards or not, this game is worth a shot. I find myself losing a lot of time playing this game. It's great to play while unwinding from a hard day of work, or during your lunch break at work. You can really burn anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours playing this game. There are tournament modes available, but you need to be a registered member at eBaumsworld. There's really no need to do so, as the high score is always posted at the top. (It's been 3550 for a month or so now.

My Personal High Score is 2117. What's yours?

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/play/1189