Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Jesus Saves
Posted by
Kristi
at
7:20 AM
A word Catholicism...
So, I'm housesitting for my parents. The other day, I check the mail and find a letter addressed to me. I find this strange, as I rarely have mail delivered there these days. I find it even stranger because it is from "The Church of the Holy Family". Here is what it said:
Dear Kristi:
Birthdays are important events that signify the close of one year as we add another candle to our cake as well as the hope that we will celebrate many more happy and healthy years by being able to blow out those lit candles. (Translation: We're buttering you up)
Certain birthdays mark particular milestones in our lives and new lables of responsiblity. At seventeen we can drive; at eighteen we can exercise independence from our parents and cast our vote; and at twenty-one we can legally drink alcohol and gamble in casinos. (Translation: Those were pretty cool milestones, weren't they?) You recently celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday, the quarter-century mark...please accept my prayerful congratulations. (Translation: Now that you're getting old, we're praying for you.)
At this time, I ask you to accept two new faith responsibilities - to register as a member of the parish and to support the parish on your own. (Send us money, or you'll burn in hell) We want you to be an active participant in parish life and remind you that registration is required for the celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage (as long as you're not a homo) and for receiving a letter of eligibility to stand as a godparent or sponsor for Baptism or Confirmation. (Translation: Join the church...or else!)
Registering is easy and takes only a few minutes. (That's what she said) You may stop by the parish office or click the "Become a Member" section of our website.
If there is anything that I or any of the priests here at Holy Family can do for you, please let me know. Congratulations on your birthday. I will remember you in my prayers and at Mass.
God bless,
(Reverend) Robert E. Hughes
So basically, they wished me a happy birthday then tried to guilt me into sending them money. Did anyone else get this letter?
Thanks be to God.
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6 comments:
Hahaha.
If there is anything that I or any of the priests here at Holy Family can do for you, (take me off your mailing list) please let me know.
Haha, that is hilarious. The Holy Family Church in Turnersville? I was a member of that church! I wonder if I got a letter! My mom probably wouldn't have even told me, considering my views on religion...
Anywho, that's a fairly tame letter, it coulda been worse... I'd bet if we were Fundamentalist Baptists, all your little translations would have been flat out written to you.
And how lame are congratulations that are "prayerful"?? Why don't they do some of that magic where they turn water into wine for you? Now THAT would be a good churchly congratulations!
Update: Dan, you did receive this letter. It's waiting at home for you, so you know how to register.
Oh, well... woo-hoo!
I also received that letter... Along with a speech from my mother about how I am going to hell b/c I don't go to church. Gotta love the catholics. One serious question though. Do I really have to be registered at a church to get married?? That sucks.
No, you don't have to be registered at a church unless you want to be married BY a priest. Otherwise, I guess you're living in "sin" if a man of god doesn't do the ceremony for you.
My non-religious friends got married in a natural history museum, with no priest. And my other 2 friends will be getting married and they're both atheists. I'm personally hoping to be the guy to marry them, because that would be awesome. All you need to do is fill out some form online, I think...
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